Have you ever had something that caused you so much anxiety and panic to deal with you didn’t want to deal with it - but you know you should deal with it and you will deal with it because everyone else tells you you should….            it gives you the cold sweats, which frankly is a new one for me, I get shaky, my stomach starts to cramp and I feel like just crawling under the bed and disappearing.  It reeks havoc on your body.  The mind starts to play tricks and convince you something different is the actual case, you justify things to yourself -  and that’s when your friends and family have to remind you whats right.   Face your fears, face it head on?

I have so much other shit going on, it’s almost unbearable for my head to wrap around everything - I think it might implode.  Keep telling me it’s my mind going out of control with wonder because it doesn’t have tangible sight yet.

It just dawned on me that we leave for Omaha in a week!  So now I’m freaking out about all the crap I haven’t done and still need to do.  Got the boys outfits for the wedding bought, have to find something for me - which I’m having a hell of a time with, get my hair done(then decide-red/black-long/short), toes, all that stupid stuff girls like to do to feel pretty.  It’s really a hassle sometimes being a girl.  I think that’s why my little break from the world has been good for me, but I feel like I’ve let myself go a bit.  It’s time to get back into it so to speak.

Been listening to a lot of new music lately, seems to be making me a bit emotional though.

So I haven’t posted a lot here. I started a blog/website for Jeremy that’s taking up my time if anyone is interested…
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jeremymcgavren

Jan’s left, mixed feelings and all we all miss her. Even if she’s a bit strange at times and we have different ideas about certain things she was helpful while here and thats a lot.
Trying to get life back in order is harder than you think after taking a break! And watching depressing shows doesn’t do much for the attitude. Gotta stop that!
Anyway, back to doing that stuff I do so well….

none really

It sure has been a while.  I’m just trying to play catch up on everyone else’s posts…. which seems me take me a while.

Here’s my brief 3am “drugged” post.  Oldest son is out of school, uhg stir crazy!  Recovering myself from recent “stuff”(kept locked up).  Jay’s mom is here for 3 weeks to help, uhm…. uh….. I’m not really sure how to describe that one.  Having some time off work is great.  Giving up on a 20+ year friendship sucks and sucks tits!  Birthday parties, late night video game obsessions(causing some waked out nightmares-should stop that ay), and sleeping all day.  That pretty much wraps it up for now.

Pillows here I come… in the bed not the band.

it’s been so long….

and yet still…..   I have no time!!!    ack

maybe tomorrow evening.  Oh and my hair is black now :)  couldn’t give up all the red though-there is still a few crayon red teeny weeny streaks.

Lenny’s tooth

yep the first tooth has fallen out…
We got woken up at 6:30am to see Lenny next to the bed whispering,”my tooth fell out”
Finally! It’s taken 11 days since he first noticed it loose.
lenny1sttooth.JPG

:)

10

monkey dreams..

So after watching a show last night about gelada monkeys which have a red hourglass patch of skin on their chest that entice the females. I had a dream that someone was showing me their own hourglass patch - this one was blue and located on their lower back/butt.

Maybe it was the reference to the similarity of red skin that baboons have on their ass. (Unlike baboons, gelada monkeys have their red skin on their chest because they sit most of the time.)

Or maybe I just like a really nice butt.